stress.

I have never been so stressed out in my entire life. I want to cry and scream all at the same time. It's pretty sick, you know, the whole idea of going to college, killing yourself over getting good grades, while still trying to be awesome and have a life. Obviously no one can have it all. Maybe I just wasn't cut out for this college thing. A part of me definitely feels that way most of the time.

There is so much pressure attached to this whole thing too. Not just in the sense that pre-med is really competitive and there is pressure to be the best, but in the sense of family. My home family and my church family know that I want to be a doctor someday. I am absolutely not one who likes to let people down. I feel like I'm the one my parents have been waiting for. Out of all my siblings, I'm the one. I don't think my church family realizes how much it gets to me when they call me 'Dr. Glory'. Its an awesome ego boost, sure, but when it comes down to a grade and whats going through my mind is, 'I can't let them down, I can't let them down' it's really tough. I don't know if any of them actually realize how hard this has been for me. If ever I don't do as well on something as I'd hoped, I get really sad inside and think about how disappointed everyone will be in me.

I have to keep going. I have to press on. They've been waiting for me. I can't let them down.