more than a month later

Guatemala was amazing. I can't really describe it. I saw miracles and people having their lives changed. It was incredible.

Okay..where am I now...

I'm one month from graduation (exactly). I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life. Not that I'm at a total loss for ideas. Especially because no matter who I talk to, or close (or not) we may be, everyone seems to have a suggestion. I know what I want to do but my parents would rather I didn't.

I have always loved music. I can't imagine my life without it. I was denied the opportunity to pursue my passion so many times. I went to the high school my parents wanted instead of LaGuardia or PPA, I went to college to study pre-med instead of music ("You can't make any money being a musician"), and now, I am weeks away from a BA in History and Minor in Biology. I've finished all my pre-reqs for med school. I could study up, take the MCATS, and go from there. In all honesty though, I really don't want to.

All I've ever wanted was to play. I'm done with college. They can't force me to go to grad, even though they're trying. I know my purpose in life. I can't waste it at the feet of giants I may never conquer, while leaning on an economy that is crumbling. I want to use my talents for God's glory, I know that's why I was made. I know where I belong. The hardest part of all of this is explaining that to them. How can I possibly explain this to them?

Somehow, I thought it would be easier having parents who are Christians. Not that I've experienced the other side, but this seems to be equally as difficult.

I need a miracle.

what a mistake

I really never want to stay home longer than 5-7 days again. It's too much stress. I've changed too much to fit back in here peacefully.

I've only actually been home for 5 days and I was out of the house for at least 12 hours each of those days. Let's say I spent 7 of the other 12 hours of the day sleeping. That leaves 5 hours at home in 5 days which would mean I actually spent 25 conscious hours here. That's a little more than 1 full day and I'm going nuts.

I think that really says something...

Back to bing tomorrow. Next spring break, I'm going somewhere hot. No doubt.

big sister, little sister

This evening I had dinner with my older sister. Ever since my younger brother got taller than me I've grown out of using terms like "big" and "little" in regards to my siblings. Obviously something like dinner with a sibling wouldn't be something blog-worthy for most people but it is for me.

Thing is, I haven't actually spent any time with my sister since I was about 11 or 12 years old. She moved out, there was drama, its complicated. The drama wasn't because of me or anything but there was just drama. Seeing as this is my last week home before I go back to bing, (I say this because I'm unsure if I'm coming back in August or not) I, being the procrastinator that I am, decided to cram all my visits and hanging out with people I haven't seen into this week. As always I was unsuccessful with some of my plans. Side note: not only do I wait til my last week but I wait until the last days of my last week.

I'm not sure if that paragraph made sense. Figure it out. So I stopped by her place of work to say hi and whatever and give her the present I got for her for Christmas. (Usually I see her on Christmas but I didn't this past year) Then she told me she was getting off soon and that we would should have dinner. So I wandered around SoHo and waited for her to finish then we went to eat. Her roommate/co-worker, to whom she introduced me as her "little sister", came too. The look on her face when she found out I'm 20 was pretty funny though.

It was like meeting someone new for me. I was a little nervous at first because I wasn't so sure how the conversation was going to go, but as soon as I got some food in me I was a bit more comfortable. We talked and caught up and stuff and it was good. It didn't take me much time to realize that she was this person who has interests and likes and dislikes, that I know nothing about. For her I think she couldn't believe that I was 20 already and kept treating me like I was 10, right down to asking me if I needed to go to the bathroom before we left. It was a little irritating but I guess kinda cute that she still sees me as this little kid.

I think rebuilding relationships is kind of fun. Since it's been broken from my childhood it's pretty interesting to see from this side of adulthood. That's the start of one. I have one more sister to go...